Let me start this post by saying in the past Mike hasn't really asked that many questions about did I get my period yet....I kept telling him I was crampy, etc. I didn't want to outright lie, but it's definitely been tough. He would keep asking and I would say things like "well I'm crampy and bitchy, what do you think?" He has probably asked at least twice a day for the last week. The last three times he has asked I have known. I've avoided it best I could...hoping he couldn't suspect.
Okay...so time to tell Mike! My father has always had this thing that sometimes the packaging of the gift is just as much fun as the gift itself. Not like pretty ribbons and bows (definitely not his thing). I remember this when I was in HS and I always got 1 "big" Christmas present. He liked to be crafty, so sometimes there would be a box in the bottom of my stocking that had me go looking for something. Sometimes there was a theme (although once it wasn't a big gift and the theme was "all things you can put in your purse" and I was guessing things like spa day...felt bad that he might think that the gifts weren't as cool because they were just lotions for your purse not a day at the spa). This has developed into a war. This year it took him about 15 minutes to unwrap the present Mike and I gave him. It was a lump of growing coal. haha. It was wrapped in so many layers (duct tape, newspaper, saran wrap, aluminum foil). Mike in turn had a scavenger hunt (although my Mom didn't follow Dad's directions so it wasn't too hard to find...Dad not happy).
The prep to get this ready took much longer than I anticipated and it was 7:30 before we ate and started the "show". We ate on the deck in the dark...yay well. :). In the family tradition here was how the evening unfolded:
1. Dinner of baby items (baby back ribs, baby potatoes, salad of baby spinach and baby carrots...with baby apple juice - although I didn't name any of these items to him). On a side note ran into my parents while shopping for these items...holy heck that was nerve racking.
2. After dinner told Mike that I had a belated birthday surprise (not gift) for him.
3. Sent him on a scavenger hunt around the house. Each clue led to a piece of a puzzle and another clue.
4. Once all the pieces were found, Mike had to assemble the "puzzle" (okay so it was a half sheet of paper I cut into seven parts). This had "October 21" (the date of the first ultrasound on it". I told him this, along with his dinner, was part of his "surprise". He was clueless!!
5. On the back of the puzzle was the last clue...to take him to his surprise. He had to wait to open the box until he brought it to the table. Inside the box (unwrapped shoe box...) was a 3-6 months Eagles baby tee, a basketball rattle, and a print of the book that I "ordered" for him.
The first thing he said was "You think?" then, in the box, I pulled out the positive pregnancy test. I must say this was kind of a strange moment. I don't think that either one of us knew what to do. He did his aww shucks goofy surprised "act". Then we hugged. It was so much fun showing him, but, I'll be honest - I'm not good with emotional moments so the build up and the after math didn't really match.
Mike is really excited though. The timing worked out well because he is really good about his job right now. I'm excited to not have to keep it a secret from him anymore!!
Strangely though, I feel like all we should talk about is the pregnancy but we don't really have much to talk about yet....
Good night!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Saying it Out Loud...and Other Worries
Okay, well, I'm definitely pregnant. I called my OB today to make my appointments. They make you freakin' wait until 8+ weeks. That's annoying. I'm not very good at waiting. I want to go go go!!! I am a planner. I love planning. Now I have to wait until October 14..what???? Also annoyed because they acted like I was requesting an audience with the Pope when I requested an afternoon appointment. Both Mike and I are teachers and it's really a pain to take time off from school, you can't just take a long lunch break, has to be a whole half day. Got her to conceed to 2:30 for the first appointment (no time off of school, yay!) and 1:00 for the second (1/2 day, boo!). Already have a countdown going. Called the rheumatologist also. Just to let her know and because I have a couple concerns about some blood work that was bad in the past.
So the Doctor's receptionists, these were the first people I told. First times I said it out loud. Still didn't sink in. Very worried though because I've been really crampy. I know miscarriage is like 30% in the first trimester, well depends on where you read. Some say that it is only 10-15% of confirmed pregnancies (although confirmed by who, I'm not sure) and that the rest occur before a pregnancy test is even taken. Afraid to even tell Mike if it turns out that I'm miscarrying right now. Called a friend from college who is in her residency in OB and it was the first time I said it outloud. You would be surprised at how freakin' hard it was to say. This was someone real. Someone who knows me...made it so much more real. I really froze when trying to get the words "I'm pregnant" out. She allayed my concerns and also warned that sex might bring bleeding. She said probably not to be concerned unless there is cramping and heavy bleeding (like multiple tampons). No bleeding. Feel much better...but not completely....You just never know.
So the Doctor's receptionists, these were the first people I told. First times I said it out loud. Still didn't sink in. Very worried though because I've been really crampy. I know miscarriage is like 30% in the first trimester, well depends on where you read. Some say that it is only 10-15% of confirmed pregnancies (although confirmed by who, I'm not sure) and that the rest occur before a pregnancy test is even taken. Afraid to even tell Mike if it turns out that I'm miscarrying right now. Called a friend from college who is in her residency in OB and it was the first time I said it outloud. You would be surprised at how freakin' hard it was to say. This was someone real. Someone who knows me...made it so much more real. I really froze when trying to get the words "I'm pregnant" out. She allayed my concerns and also warned that sex might bring bleeding. She said probably not to be concerned unless there is cramping and heavy bleeding (like multiple tampons). No bleeding. Feel much better...but not completely....You just never know.
Longest Night Ever
Could not sleep last night. I'm a big sleeper. My ideal would be to be in bed around 930 and asleep by 10. I get up for work between 6 and 630 (I need lots of sleep as does Mike). At 1230 I was still wide awake. Felt like my heart was racing. Turned the TV on and thank goodness for random friends episodes. I was asleep just when that show with Jim Belushi came on at 1.
So, tested as soon as Mike left this morning! Don't have a ton of time in the AM because I like to sleep. Decided that I would take the top off of our shaving gel rinse/wash it and pee into that. Read online that some people found this easier. Kind of weird. Dipped the stick in and TWO VERY PINK LINES SHOWED UP. This is it. Definitely yes. Didn't really have time to sit and let it sink in because, as usual, I'm running late for school.
I don't even think I know what I'm feeling right now...but this is crazy exciting!
So, tested as soon as Mike left this morning! Don't have a ton of time in the AM because I like to sleep. Decided that I would take the top off of our shaving gel rinse/wash it and pee into that. Read online that some people found this easier. Kind of weird. Dipped the stick in and TWO VERY PINK LINES SHOWED UP. This is it. Definitely yes. Didn't really have time to sit and let it sink in because, as usual, I'm running late for school.
I don't even think I know what I'm feeling right now...but this is crazy exciting!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
The NEWS
Stopped at CVS after open house tonight. Feeling pretty sexy as I walked in wearing my heels and dress, I must say! Decided that I still didn't have my period and that the OB would need a positive pregnancy test anyways. Took the test when I got home and holy shit it was positive. Here's the thing though. Box says to pee on the stick (which is really gross). Now, with the frequent battery of tests that I have I'm used to peeing in a cup. Okay, peeing on a stick isn't the same thing. There is definitely more aim involved (hit the stick, not your hand, while making sure you hold it in the correct direction). I'm only tentatively thinking it is positive though because after my initial misses in hitting the stick I'm worried I peed on it for more than 5 seconds. Does that matter? Those are the directions on the box. What I do know is that the test took about 3 seconds to change. What an amazing thing to see those two little pink lines appear. Really hope that I didn't mess up the test. I used to think "how dumb can you be" when people talked about not taking the test correctly. Now I get it. Must hide this test from Daddy-to-be (hopefully!) and take another one in the AM.
Dr. Visit (Dated 9/17)
So went to the Doc today. She drew out all of the fluid and injected steroids. As it turns out you are not supposed to use lidocaine during pregnancy, so just in case she didn't use it. You know what they use instead? Frostbite in a can. Yup, I was given frostbite. It was very cold and mildly painful. Overall it wasn't a horrible experience. No explanation though...kind of frustrating. She continues on this path that says if i get pregnant that the sarcoid might get better. She also says that although I feel like I'm getting my period that this could definitely pregnancy. Two facts do not go together. If I am pregnant then why is the sarcoid acting up now? Who knows. Anyways, have to work a cross country meet tonight and then also go to Open House. Might just take a pregnancy test as I should have gotten my period on Tuesday...but it might not come until tomorrow (Friday).
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Today is the Day
Okay, so today is the day I should be getting my period. Used mymonthlycycle.com to track for the last several months and it says 29 days. Good news is that I took some Midol and am feeling much less bitchy than I was yesterday!!! Midol is a miracle drug. Unfortunately all these symptoms mean that I am probably getting my period. Used the "just in case" method of using a tampon before getting my period because, well, when you teach you can't just run to the bathroom any old time. My body makes me so mad though because several times I went to the bathroom sure that I needed to change and I knew (you know...) that my period had not actually started. Why does the body do this? It's like dangling this carrot out in front of me....you might be pregnant...you might be pregnant. So not nice! Unfortunately I'm a realistic dreamer, meaning that I am very good at getting my hopes up emotionally while my brain knows the real story and won't let me forget it....yay well. I love the waiting game with your period...even if you aren't waiting to be pregnant!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Waiting waiting waiting
So, I think the worst part of this whole pregnancy thing might have to be the waiting to find out. Every little thing you feel could be your period or pregnancy. My body gives out some pretty typical signs. (1) Bitchiness. Well, have that one down. Flipped out at lunch today over something that did make me mad....and I had had a bad morning. Still, definitely out of control anger. This is a telltale period sign for me. (2) Cramps. We all know what those are like. Definitely have them. (3) Overall crumminess and ickiness...got it. So, it seems like I will be getting my period this week. Should be tomorrow but with the stress of school might be slightly longer.
I hate women who say they just know. No they don't. They just guessed lucky. The odds are in your favor that it will happen in the first three months...and pretty high even in the first month. I think it also annoys me because I thought I "just knew" last time and I turned out to be wrong. The body is a cruel cruel thing. Waiting, also a cruel thing. I wish there was just some tell tale sign as soon as it happened (other than, of course, getting your period). You know like some sort of alarm inside your body that says "I'm here Mom!". Something distinctly not period like and not a bad sign either. Like a faint tattoo in the shape of a heart magically appears on your stomach. That would be sweet. Doesn't work that was though and pretty much all the signs could be pregnancy. Everythign can be attributed to something...implantation cramping, hormone changes for moodiness. I guess it's probably very similar to your body as when you are having your period.
I personally think it is just wishful thinking that I might be pregnant. Meanwhile it's like every other thought in my head....aye aye aye. I could take an early pregnancy test as the doc suggested...but...I want to hold on to my hopes for as long as possible. You don't know either, those tests might not be right. Plus, missing your period seems a pretty surefire way to find out. At least it's only a few more days now.
I hate women who say they just know. No they don't. They just guessed lucky. The odds are in your favor that it will happen in the first three months...and pretty high even in the first month. I think it also annoys me because I thought I "just knew" last time and I turned out to be wrong. The body is a cruel cruel thing. Waiting, also a cruel thing. I wish there was just some tell tale sign as soon as it happened (other than, of course, getting your period). You know like some sort of alarm inside your body that says "I'm here Mom!". Something distinctly not period like and not a bad sign either. Like a faint tattoo in the shape of a heart magically appears on your stomach. That would be sweet. Doesn't work that was though and pretty much all the signs could be pregnancy. Everythign can be attributed to something...implantation cramping, hormone changes for moodiness. I guess it's probably very similar to your body as when you are having your period.
I personally think it is just wishful thinking that I might be pregnant. Meanwhile it's like every other thought in my head....aye aye aye. I could take an early pregnancy test as the doc suggested...but...I want to hold on to my hopes for as long as possible. You don't know either, those tests might not be right. Plus, missing your period seems a pretty surefire way to find out. At least it's only a few more days now.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Sarcoid Rears It's Ugly Head
Well, my sarcoidosis has been acting up again. What does that mean to me? Well, I have Iritis/Uveitis in my eyes that is chronic. This condition causes my eyes to be very sensitive to light (if untreated). When it first occurred it was so bad that keeping my eye closed wasn't enough, I had to cover it (I used my hand...not a patch). On the more annoying, less painful side, it also feels like you always have a piece of dirt in your eye. I take a once a day Predisolone (yes, liquid prednisone...and it hasn't been tested for safeness during pregnancy) drop to keep it at by. This doesn't make it gone, I still have very mild symptoms and if I miss a day or two my eye gets all veiny (a sign that there are worse things to come).
Additionally, about a month ago I started an outbreak of Erythema Nodosum. What are they? Well, in laymen's terms they are growths in the fatty tissues of your skin. They are hot to the touch and they look and feel like bright red painful goose eggs (although they are usually only about an inch to an inch and a half in diameter). They covered my legs from lower thing to my ankles, concentrated in the area around my knees, at it's peak I had 18. It was hard to sleep because no matter how I laid I was putting pressure on them.
I thought that I had one of these growing under my knee cap. I think I was wrong, or at least it has now mutated into something else because my knee has now swollen to a small melon size. It comes and it goes and I'm not sure how my lack of movement affects it. I think in this case it actually affects it for the worst. It is mildly painful, particularly when I stand up (I think fluid rushes back).
I called my rheumatologist yesterday morning and got this new secretary who I could tell would leave my message on the pile for the end of the day. I called back about four hours later and left a message again. Got a call back almost immediately from the nurse I usually deal with and was talking to my rheumatologist as soon as we could stop playing phone tag. Unfortunately it was too late for me to make it to her office before it closed. Had the freakin' secretary known what she was doing I could have gone in right after school. Anyways, the frustrating part is there is a definite ebb and flow to this and I'm not sure how long it will stay and so it is easiest to go in right when something flares because I might make an appointment for next week and things will only be mildly swollen...and then the next day be in the middle of a watermelon sized knee. So I guess I'll just have to wait until next week. Here's the fun part though...I'm a teacher and for reasons hard to explain next week will be my first instructional time and only the second time I've seen my kids this year (I have a cycle schedule). Go in the afternoon? Sure, BUT, my rheumatologist has hospital hours all next week during the afternoon.
So what to do to fill the time between now and then? She suggested I go back on my Ibuprofen regiment to decrease pain and swelling. That is 800mg 4x per day. This is the maximum allowable dose per day, it is the equivalent of 16 Advil per day in four larger than bite size fun pills. Since I don't know if I'm pregnant I'm just not sure this is a good idea. She said it was okay and I've read online that Ibuprofen is okay in early pregnancy...just makes me really nervous - especially at this dose. She also suggested an early detection pregnancy test, to ease my fears. I SHOULD get my period on Tuesday (only a few days away, yay!!!). However, I've read that before your missed period they are not necessarily accurate as for some people implantation might not even take place until the day of your missed period. Kind of seems like a waste of money. Then I keep thinking...what if I take it and it is positive. That would be amazing!!!! If I am pregnant though I am a little worried how my body is going to respond considering the way things are starting off. Sarcoid can get better but also worse during pregnancy. Has to be worth it though :) Thanks for letting me vent, again!!!
Additionally, about a month ago I started an outbreak of Erythema Nodosum. What are they? Well, in laymen's terms they are growths in the fatty tissues of your skin. They are hot to the touch and they look and feel like bright red painful goose eggs (although they are usually only about an inch to an inch and a half in diameter). They covered my legs from lower thing to my ankles, concentrated in the area around my knees, at it's peak I had 18. It was hard to sleep because no matter how I laid I was putting pressure on them.
I thought that I had one of these growing under my knee cap. I think I was wrong, or at least it has now mutated into something else because my knee has now swollen to a small melon size. It comes and it goes and I'm not sure how my lack of movement affects it. I think in this case it actually affects it for the worst. It is mildly painful, particularly when I stand up (I think fluid rushes back).
I called my rheumatologist yesterday morning and got this new secretary who I could tell would leave my message on the pile for the end of the day. I called back about four hours later and left a message again. Got a call back almost immediately from the nurse I usually deal with and was talking to my rheumatologist as soon as we could stop playing phone tag. Unfortunately it was too late for me to make it to her office before it closed. Had the freakin' secretary known what she was doing I could have gone in right after school. Anyways, the frustrating part is there is a definite ebb and flow to this and I'm not sure how long it will stay and so it is easiest to go in right when something flares because I might make an appointment for next week and things will only be mildly swollen...and then the next day be in the middle of a watermelon sized knee. So I guess I'll just have to wait until next week. Here's the fun part though...I'm a teacher and for reasons hard to explain next week will be my first instructional time and only the second time I've seen my kids this year (I have a cycle schedule). Go in the afternoon? Sure, BUT, my rheumatologist has hospital hours all next week during the afternoon.
So what to do to fill the time between now and then? She suggested I go back on my Ibuprofen regiment to decrease pain and swelling. That is 800mg 4x per day. This is the maximum allowable dose per day, it is the equivalent of 16 Advil per day in four larger than bite size fun pills. Since I don't know if I'm pregnant I'm just not sure this is a good idea. She said it was okay and I've read online that Ibuprofen is okay in early pregnancy...just makes me really nervous - especially at this dose. She also suggested an early detection pregnancy test, to ease my fears. I SHOULD get my period on Tuesday (only a few days away, yay!!!). However, I've read that before your missed period they are not necessarily accurate as for some people implantation might not even take place until the day of your missed period. Kind of seems like a waste of money. Then I keep thinking...what if I take it and it is positive. That would be amazing!!!! If I am pregnant though I am a little worried how my body is going to respond considering the way things are starting off. Sarcoid can get better but also worse during pregnancy. Has to be worth it though :) Thanks for letting me vent, again!!!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
So Here We Go...
And the waiting begins. This has to be the most frustrating part of pregnancy...or at least of the process. You might think, eh, it's only about 2 weeks. Yeah well, it's like the longest two weeks of your life! This is the last chance we'll have for a couple of months. I don't know if we got enough "trying" in!!!! Then there is the inevitable disappointment when you're not, the stress about having to wait for another couple of months, the stress of is it ever going to happen!.?!.? Mark doesn't even have a full time job yet, so I guess that if I wasn't pregnant it wouldn't be the worst thing. That's what my mind says...my heart says something else. Wish me luck!
Monday, August 31, 2009
It's that time...or is it??? A post for venting.
Well...trying to get pregnant can be an exact science. I'm not at the point yet where I'm doing basal temperature and there is no way in hell I'm checking the consistency of my "secretions". More power to you if you are willing to do that because I'm definitely not. I'm just glad I know what day of the month I have my period. SO anyways, this is the time. Starting on the 28th and going to about Sept. 1 is my window (based on questionable cycle length). Well, the 28th was a bit of a stretch and we were both really drained so we thought, eh, tomorrow. Next two days...two for two. Mark...quite happy with the progress. Today is THE day though. Where is my husband? He's sleeping. Went to bed at 8:15, he hadn't even been home a half an hour. I don't really think he gets it. I wish that he would take the time to just understand how this works. It's not like we're getting any younger and I'll be damned if I'm having a kid after school lets out. As it is our baby would be due only a couple weeks before the end of the school year, about half as much time as you are given to take off.
Mark isn't being selfish right now. Maybe a little self absorbed or thoughtless. These are definitely not traditional characteristics. Mark is usually the most amazing husband. I think almost everyone I know is jealous of me. Right now though...Mark is starting a new job as a long term sub for the first semester. He is stressed and tired and freaked out. The last several weeks have been a drain, on my time and on my energy because Mark is so very very needy right now. He needs to talk, he needs help shopping, he needs me to look at lessons, help him create homework, generate rubrics, and a lot more talking and reassuring and *sigh* it's driving me crazy. I TOTALLY understand and I wouldn't be supporting him if what he was doing was a frivelous waste of time. He is becoming a teacher. He's always wanted to do become one. It is a pretty big undertaking, unfortunately, this comes at like the most inopportune time. I can't believe that I'm saying these things. Thank goodness I don't think anyone is reading this and if you are, please don't think me or my husband any worse for what I'm about to say. I'm getting tired. Tired of the never ending complaining and stressing and worrying and having to say over and over again..."you're fine", "you'll do great", "don't worry, all new teachers go through this". Honestly, I have my own stuff to do. Whether that be school, the house, or personal. Do I know how bitchy this sounds? YES!! That's why I would never tell Mark that. I know that he needs me right now and I don't think that his demands are out of line, just, really draining me. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up. I thought we were past this part of our lives where we were exploring our professional careers and now we're back and it's so hard. I worry what happens if we do get pregnant and Mike has a new job again...I'm not sure he'll be able to handle the stress....
Thanks for listening. I do love my husband and I do support him. Afterall, I want him to be the father of my children....
Mark isn't being selfish right now. Maybe a little self absorbed or thoughtless. These are definitely not traditional characteristics. Mark is usually the most amazing husband. I think almost everyone I know is jealous of me. Right now though...Mark is starting a new job as a long term sub for the first semester. He is stressed and tired and freaked out. The last several weeks have been a drain, on my time and on my energy because Mark is so very very needy right now. He needs to talk, he needs help shopping, he needs me to look at lessons, help him create homework, generate rubrics, and a lot more talking and reassuring and *sigh* it's driving me crazy. I TOTALLY understand and I wouldn't be supporting him if what he was doing was a frivelous waste of time. He is becoming a teacher. He's always wanted to do become one. It is a pretty big undertaking, unfortunately, this comes at like the most inopportune time. I can't believe that I'm saying these things. Thank goodness I don't think anyone is reading this and if you are, please don't think me or my husband any worse for what I'm about to say. I'm getting tired. Tired of the never ending complaining and stressing and worrying and having to say over and over again..."you're fine", "you'll do great", "don't worry, all new teachers go through this". Honestly, I have my own stuff to do. Whether that be school, the house, or personal. Do I know how bitchy this sounds? YES!! That's why I would never tell Mark that. I know that he needs me right now and I don't think that his demands are out of line, just, really draining me. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up. I thought we were past this part of our lives where we were exploring our professional careers and now we're back and it's so hard. I worry what happens if we do get pregnant and Mike has a new job again...I'm not sure he'll be able to handle the stress....
Thanks for listening. I do love my husband and I do support him. Afterall, I want him to be the father of my children....
Monday, August 24, 2009
Trying...again.
Well, we started trying again in August. Let's just say we didn't put our full energy behind it. We had fallen off the wagon in terms of getting ready. Last time I had taken pre-natal vitamins for 3 months, Mark was taking his vitamins, I had ordered pre-seed. This time...I mis-mentally calculated when I was ovulating. My period had regularly fallen ever 30 days for almost a year and then about 6 months again it changed to 27-28 days which moved my ovulation timeline. I just kind of let that slip my mind. So when I say it wasn't our full energy it was just one time.
I told myself that one time can do it. That's true, right? Well about a week afterwards I started having trouble with my stomach, like almost a burning sensation. I thought...hmmm...can you get morning sickness this early? Some people indicated that you can have morning sickness as soon as implantation occurs. I convinced myself I was pregnant. When Mark went to tickle me I instinctively protected my stomach. It's like something was telling me I had to be a momma bear and protect myself. Then I started to have cramps. I hoped that they were implantation cramps. They felt an awful lot like period cramps. Online I read that they feel almost exactly the same. I really wanted to take a pregnancy test but I knew that getting my period would be a much cheaper way to find out. Unfortunately everything was just wishful thinking (and a touch of gastritis). I got my period on the exact date I should have. We have one more attempt before we'll take some time off for summer vacation. If it happened I would be due at the end of May, about three weeks before the end of the school year. Not exactly what we want, but beggars can't be choosers and it will happen when it happens and all those platitude, right? Wish us luck :)
I told myself that one time can do it. That's true, right? Well about a week afterwards I started having trouble with my stomach, like almost a burning sensation. I thought...hmmm...can you get morning sickness this early? Some people indicated that you can have morning sickness as soon as implantation occurs. I convinced myself I was pregnant. When Mark went to tickle me I instinctively protected my stomach. It's like something was telling me I had to be a momma bear and protect myself. Then I started to have cramps. I hoped that they were implantation cramps. They felt an awful lot like period cramps. Online I read that they feel almost exactly the same. I really wanted to take a pregnancy test but I knew that getting my period would be a much cheaper way to find out. Unfortunately everything was just wishful thinking (and a touch of gastritis). I got my period on the exact date I should have. We have one more attempt before we'll take some time off for summer vacation. If it happened I would be due at the end of May, about three weeks before the end of the school year. Not exactly what we want, but beggars can't be choosers and it will happen when it happens and all those platitude, right? Wish us luck :)
To have kids or not to have kids...are you ever ready??
If we're being brutally honest there is definitely part of us that is not ready for this. We have been together for 10 years and we truly love our life. We are pretty busy, especially with basketball, and we're not sure how another "demand" on our time will affect us.
Unfortunately, we're not getting any younger (I'll be 29 next week and Mark will be 30). We are also the youngest children in our families and our parents are not getting any younger (our dads are 63 and moms are 58). My husband's brother does have a daughter who is 3. Mark's parents adore her. As I don't think that the rest of my family will have kids soon and my parents want them so badly, time is definitely not on our side. I want my kids and I want my parents to be able to enjoy one another and scary as it is my dad would be 85 when our child turned 21. Again, time is not on our side. I definitely feel the pressure to fight against time.
All that being said, Mark and I both love kids. We are "the" aunt and uncle. The kids are always left to us at family functions. When we were at Disney we couldn't help but watch the kids and laugh and smile and truly enjoy the way the kids respond to being in Disney. Loving kids has never been the question. Can we handle it, not a concern. Are we going to want to give up our lives? Well, we've decided there's no time like the present to find out. So, although we're not sure we're ready to give up our time we have decided we are ready to have our first baby.
Unfortunately, we're not getting any younger (I'll be 29 next week and Mark will be 30). We are also the youngest children in our families and our parents are not getting any younger (our dads are 63 and moms are 58). My husband's brother does have a daughter who is 3. Mark's parents adore her. As I don't think that the rest of my family will have kids soon and my parents want them so badly, time is definitely not on our side. I want my kids and I want my parents to be able to enjoy one another and scary as it is my dad would be 85 when our child turned 21. Again, time is not on our side. I definitely feel the pressure to fight against time.
All that being said, Mark and I both love kids. We are "the" aunt and uncle. The kids are always left to us at family functions. When we were at Disney we couldn't help but watch the kids and laugh and smile and truly enjoy the way the kids respond to being in Disney. Loving kids has never been the question. Can we handle it, not a concern. Are we going to want to give up our lives? Well, we've decided there's no time like the present to find out. So, although we're not sure we're ready to give up our time we have decided we are ready to have our first baby.
The beginning of our journey.
Let me first start by saying I'm not pregnant yet. I hope to be soon. In January of 2008 my husband and I decided to start trying to get pregnant. We were at a great point in our lives. We had bought our first house about two years earlier. I was settled into my job as a teacher. My husband was at a job he didn't love (in sales) but the company was really good to work for - he made good money doing and had a little freedom in his schedule. Of course, after one month of trying it turned out we were relieved that I wasn't pregnant...
Due to some random events in my life my body decided to go haywire and I "developed" an auto-immune disease, called sarcoidosis. Although for me this has been a relatively benign disease, it took them almost six months to come up with a diagnosis. My beta-2 glycoproteins were really high (over 4 times the normal limit) and this meant that we couldn't try to get pregnant. Not to mention that I was taking 800mg of Ibprofen 4 times a day, which you can't do obviously when you are pregnant. I needed this to relieve the pain I experienced in my elbows and ankles as well as to make the swelling go down. We had to wait eight months before I was ready for them to test my blood again. The news came back good - the beta 2 glycoproteins were back within the normal limit. Yay! Before we could even start thinking about it again we had to go to Maternal Fetal Medicine (which means High Risk Pregnancy). That freaked me out a little bit. People with sarcoidosis can have really rough pregnancies and my rheumatologist felt that it would be best for us to see Maternal Fetal Medicine. This was in mid-September after I had ovulated. They cleared us! Another road block down.
So what happened next? Nothing. As a teacher I want to be able to spend as much time as possible with our baby. This means not having a baby during the summer. A lot of people probaby think this sounds a little selfish - like I just don't want to work. That is, honestly, a little of the reason, BUT, not the full reason. We thought, eh, it's just a couple of months. No big deal! We decided we would start trying again in December.
So, it's December, the week of Christmas to be exact. Just as we were going to start trying again Mark lost his job (like the same week). With the downturn in the economy his company needed to cut back, as the low man on the totem pole Mark was let go first. We made a major life decision at this point. Mark hated being in sales. We thought he would go back to marketing or underwriting, however, both of these jobs would take away his ability to coach. This is non-negotiable (I'll talk about that later). So Mark decided to fill a lifelong dream, to become a teacher. Through a program offered in our state he could convert his four year business degree to a teaching degree. It would take about 10 months. We decided that he would go on unemployment instead of working full time, so that he could be focused on his education. This was a big step for us. We had always been opposed unemployment and thought many took advantage of the system. Well, here we are taking advantage of the system. So, we're sorry. This will be the first and last time. Mark will find a job as a teacher because he has everything you need to be a great one - upbeat attitude, love of kids and teacher (NOT the same thing), and a great work ethic. The question is, when will this happen? No idea!
Because of his uncertain future we didn't want to take any chances so we decided to wait. So now we had summer vacation to work around and Mark's work circumstance and basketball season. That leaves, well, a teeny tiny window of time. Before we could start that though Mark and I decided that we would like to go on one final vacation together. We LOVE Disney World and knew that once we have a child vacation we be very different from what we do now. So we waited some more...
Due to some random events in my life my body decided to go haywire and I "developed" an auto-immune disease, called sarcoidosis. Although for me this has been a relatively benign disease, it took them almost six months to come up with a diagnosis. My beta-2 glycoproteins were really high (over 4 times the normal limit) and this meant that we couldn't try to get pregnant. Not to mention that I was taking 800mg of Ibprofen 4 times a day, which you can't do obviously when you are pregnant. I needed this to relieve the pain I experienced in my elbows and ankles as well as to make the swelling go down. We had to wait eight months before I was ready for them to test my blood again. The news came back good - the beta 2 glycoproteins were back within the normal limit. Yay! Before we could even start thinking about it again we had to go to Maternal Fetal Medicine (which means High Risk Pregnancy). That freaked me out a little bit. People with sarcoidosis can have really rough pregnancies and my rheumatologist felt that it would be best for us to see Maternal Fetal Medicine. This was in mid-September after I had ovulated. They cleared us! Another road block down.
So what happened next? Nothing. As a teacher I want to be able to spend as much time as possible with our baby. This means not having a baby during the summer. A lot of people probaby think this sounds a little selfish - like I just don't want to work. That is, honestly, a little of the reason, BUT, not the full reason. We thought, eh, it's just a couple of months. No big deal! We decided we would start trying again in December.
So, it's December, the week of Christmas to be exact. Just as we were going to start trying again Mark lost his job (like the same week). With the downturn in the economy his company needed to cut back, as the low man on the totem pole Mark was let go first. We made a major life decision at this point. Mark hated being in sales. We thought he would go back to marketing or underwriting, however, both of these jobs would take away his ability to coach. This is non-negotiable (I'll talk about that later). So Mark decided to fill a lifelong dream, to become a teacher. Through a program offered in our state he could convert his four year business degree to a teaching degree. It would take about 10 months. We decided that he would go on unemployment instead of working full time, so that he could be focused on his education. This was a big step for us. We had always been opposed unemployment and thought many took advantage of the system. Well, here we are taking advantage of the system. So, we're sorry. This will be the first and last time. Mark will find a job as a teacher because he has everything you need to be a great one - upbeat attitude, love of kids and teacher (NOT the same thing), and a great work ethic. The question is, when will this happen? No idea!
Because of his uncertain future we didn't want to take any chances so we decided to wait. So now we had summer vacation to work around and Mark's work circumstance and basketball season. That leaves, well, a teeny tiny window of time. Before we could start that though Mark and I decided that we would like to go on one final vacation together. We LOVE Disney World and knew that once we have a child vacation we be very different from what we do now. So we waited some more...
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