Well...trying to get pregnant can be an exact science. I'm not at the point yet where I'm doing basal temperature and there is no way in hell I'm checking the consistency of my "secretions". More power to you if you are willing to do that because I'm definitely not. I'm just glad I know what day of the month I have my period. SO anyways, this is the time. Starting on the 28th and going to about Sept. 1 is my window (based on questionable cycle length). Well, the 28th was a bit of a stretch and we were both really drained so we thought, eh, tomorrow. Next two days...two for two. Mark...quite happy with the progress. Today is THE day though. Where is my husband? He's sleeping. Went to bed at 8:15, he hadn't even been home a half an hour. I don't really think he gets it. I wish that he would take the time to just understand how this works. It's not like we're getting any younger and I'll be damned if I'm having a kid after school lets out. As it is our baby would be due only a couple weeks before the end of the school year, about half as much time as you are given to take off.
Mark isn't being selfish right now. Maybe a little self absorbed or thoughtless. These are definitely not traditional characteristics. Mark is usually the most amazing husband. I think almost everyone I know is jealous of me. Right now though...Mark is starting a new job as a long term sub for the first semester. He is stressed and tired and freaked out. The last several weeks have been a drain, on my time and on my energy because Mark is so very very needy right now. He needs to talk, he needs help shopping, he needs me to look at lessons, help him create homework, generate rubrics, and a lot more talking and reassuring and *sigh* it's driving me crazy. I TOTALLY understand and I wouldn't be supporting him if what he was doing was a frivelous waste of time. He is becoming a teacher. He's always wanted to do become one. It is a pretty big undertaking, unfortunately, this comes at like the most inopportune time. I can't believe that I'm saying these things. Thank goodness I don't think anyone is reading this and if you are, please don't think me or my husband any worse for what I'm about to say. I'm getting tired. Tired of the never ending complaining and stressing and worrying and having to say over and over again..."you're fine", "you'll do great", "don't worry, all new teachers go through this". Honestly, I have my own stuff to do. Whether that be school, the house, or personal. Do I know how bitchy this sounds? YES!! That's why I would never tell Mark that. I know that he needs me right now and I don't think that his demands are out of line, just, really draining me. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up. I thought we were past this part of our lives where we were exploring our professional careers and now we're back and it's so hard. I worry what happens if we do get pregnant and Mike has a new job again...I'm not sure he'll be able to handle the stress....
Thanks for listening. I do love my husband and I do support him. Afterall, I want him to be the father of my children....
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